Let's Do Costco, Not Cocktails
How mundane tasks became my favourite kind of quality time.
I'm staring at my phone again, scrolling through productivity hacks and "how to focus" guides like they're some sort of digital comfort food.
I've spent more hours than I'd like to admit, Googling things like "how to stop procrastinating" or "ways to trick yourself into focusing." At this point, productivity hacks are a love language I'm desperately trying to become fluent in.
But here's the thing about focus: when you think you've figured it out, it slips away like trying to hold onto water.
You create the perfect morning routine, set up the ideal workspace, download all the right apps... and still end up doom-scrolling through TikTok at 3 PM when you should be working on that project due tomorrow.
And then, almost accidentally, I stumbled onto something that didn't just help me focus—it made me feel less alone. Two concepts that seemed to appear in my life right when I needed them most were parallel play and body doubling. One is rooted in childhood psychology, the other a beloved ADHD hack, and together, they've quietly revolutionized how I approach creative work and revisions—and how I think about friendship itself.
Before we dive into the science-y bits, let me tell you about my favourite way to spend time with friends these days: the errand date.
You need to pick up storage bins at IKEA? I'm there. Have to grab groceries at Costco? Count me in. I'll gladly tag along while you return that lamp you swore was the perfect shade of gold but is now haunting you from the corner of your room. In fact, I'd even be happy sitting on your floor while you clean out your closet, sorting clothes into "keep" and "donate" piles.
These aren't just tasks to check off a list; they're opportunities for connection that feel more authentic than any carefully planned happy hour.
There's something about the simple act of existing alongside someone.
At the same time, they go about their daily life that creates a kind of intimacy you can't manufacture over small talk and overpriced cocktails.
This is where parallel play comes in—a concept borrowed from child development that's surprisingly perfect for adult friendship. Think about kids playing side by side in a sandbox, each building their castles but somehow still connected. For adults, it looks more like:
Reading separate books on the same couch, each lost in your world but somehow more anchored by the other's presence.
Working on different laptops at the same café, the quiet tapping of keys creates a symphony of shared focus.
Journaling while your friend sketches, both creating but neither performing.
At its heart, parallel play is about the quiet magic of being alone together. No pressure to maintain a conversation. No need to be "on." Just the comfort of shared space and silent understanding.
The secret sauce of parallel play is that it respects two fundamental human needs: independence and connection.
Psychologists say it reduces attachment anxiety and builds trust because it shows you don't need constant interaction to feel close.
This can be a game-changer for neurodivergent folks or anyone who finds traditional socializing draining. It's intimacy without the noise, connection without the performance.
But here's where it gets really interesting: parallel play isn't just good for relationships; it's become a quiet hero for creative work. There's something about sitting next to someone, both of you lost in your worlds that makes your world feel a little less heavy.
Suddenly, the solitary act of revising a draft or tackling your to-do list feels less lonely.
If parallel play is the introvert-friendly party, body doubling is the productivity drill sergeant who shows up to make sure you're actually getting things done.
Popular in ADHD circles, it's the practice of working alongside someone—physically or virtually—to help you stay on task. Your "double" isn't there to micromanage; their mere presence is an anchor.
Think about it:
Joining a virtual coworking session where strangers become accountability partners
Having a friend sit with you while you finally tackle that mountain of laundry. (I do this on Facetime with friends all the time.)
Meeting up at a café, each working on separate projects but drawing energy from the shared focus.
For me, body doubling is most potent during what I call the "dreaded starting phase,” when opening the document or picking up the pen feels like lifting a thousand pounds.
It's like having someone silently cheer you on just by being there.
When I think about parallel play, body doubling, and errand dates, I realize they're all part of the same quiet revolution: stripping away the need to perform, reminding us we're not alone, and giving us space just to be.
This is especially true in creative work. Writing drafts, editing footage, or facing the chaos of a blank page doesn't have to happen in isolation. Whether sitting in a room with a fellow writer, silently brainstorming, or having someone nearby while you slog through edits, shared energy can carry you through the most challenging parts of the process.
And let's not forget the low-key charm of an errand date. Just like parallel play, it's a reminder that connection doesn't have to come with bells and whistles. It's not about the fancy dinner or the curated experience; it's about showing up, side by side, for the messy, mundane parts of life.
If you're curious to try this approach (or want an excuse to turn errands into hangouts), here's how to start:
For Parallel Play:
Create cozy spaces that encourage multiple activities—shared couches, communal desks, and a blanket fort (cause, why not?)
Invite a friend to "be alone together.”
Start with low-pressure activities like reading, sketching, or journaling side-by-side.
For Body Doubling:
Explore virtual platforms for structured coworking sessions.
Set clear boundaries with your double (e.g., no chatting during work time.)
Use body doubling for tasks you typically procrastinate on—emails, edits, taxes.
For Errand Dates:
Next time a friend says, "I have so much to do," say, "Let's do it together.”
Turn grocery runs, IKEA trips, or cleaning sessions into low-pressure hangouts.
Remember: errands aren't what you do before hanging out; they are the hangout.
Here's the thing: modern life is noisy.
We're constantly told to do more, be more, connect more.
But parallel play, body doubling, and errand dates challenge that narrative. They show us that sometimes the most profound connection comes from just being there: no pressure, no fanfare, no overthinking.
For those of us deep in the creative trenches, these practices offer a gentle, grounded way to move forward. They remind us that the process doesn't have to be lonely or overwhelming.
Sometimes, all it takes is a shared space, a quiet presence, and the courage to begin.
And if you ever need someone to wander the aisles of Costco with you or help Marie Kondo your closet, well... you know where to find me.
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