Kill your darlings, babe.
How perpetual online discourse is killing our ability to create (and why I've been hiding.)
The average person now spends 6.7 hours a day online¹. I know this because I spent thirty minutes verifying this statistic while procrastinating writing this very piece – a fact that feels both ironic and perfectly fitting for what I'm about to discuss.
I've been sitting on this draft for months, watching it gather digital dust while I tell myself I need "just a bit more research" or "the timing isn't quite right." But here's the truth: I've been consuming so much content about creating content that I've paralyzed my own ability to create.
"Kill your darlings" is the advice that gets passed around writing workshops like a worn leather-bound notebook. Attributed to William Faulkner, it suggests eliminating the elements of your work you're most precious about if they don't serve the greater good. But what happens when your biggest darling isn't a perfectly crafted sentence? What if it's the perfectionism that's keeping you from creating at all?
The science backs up what many of us feel in our creative lives. Recent research published in the Journal of Research in Personality reveals that maladaptive perfectionism increases creative paralysis by 47%², with self-doubt serving as the strongest mediating factor between perfectionism and decreased creative output. We're not just struggling with editing – we're struggling to begin.
This paralysis is happening against a backdrop of unprecedented digital consumption. Pew Research shows 46% of adults report being "almost constantly" online³, creating a paralyzing paradox: we're the most informed generation in history, yet somehow also the most hesitant to add our voice to the conversation. Content consumption rates have increased by 57% since 2018, while only 23% of users report regularly creating original content³. We're drowning in inspiration but starving for output.
I recognize this pattern in myself. I have the confidence. I can command attention when I need to. In my professional life, I handle feedback like a champion because it serves the bottom line. I'm there to do a job. But when it comes to personal projects? That's where the paralysis sets in.
Studies in creative self-efficacy have found that higher engagement with social media significantly correlates with increased creative self-doubt⁴. A finding that hits close to home. Each perfectly crafted thread, each viral post, and each seemingly effortless success story becomes another brick in the wall between us and our creative potential. We're not just observers; we're becoming our own obstacles.
The most insidious part? Research from Harvard Business Review reveals that perfectionists spend 30% more time on tasks than non-perfectionists, and perfectionism rates have increased by 33% since 2000⁵. The same study found that social media exposure significantly increases perfectionist tendencies⁵ – we're quite literally scrolling ourselves into paralysis. I see this reflected in my own behaviour: endless research loops, constant consumption, and analysis instead of action.
I've realized that we're not just afraid of judgment but of being late to the conversation. In a world where everything feels like it's already been said, we're terrified of being redundant. But here's the critical thing we're missing: your perspective isn't redundant just because the topic isn't novel.
Take this Substack, for example. I had such grand plans. I would hold myself accountable, post regularly, and build something meaningful for myself. Instead, I found myself in an endless research loop, consuming rather than creating, analyzing rather than acting. I've read so many posts about how to write posts that I've forgotten the simple act of just... writing.
But here's what I'm learning and what the research supports: creativity isn't about being first; it's about being authentic. (I know, it’s a yucky word these days.) The same studies that identified the paralysis of perfectionism also found that the most innovative work often comes from people willing to build upon, remix, and reinterpret existing ideas rather than trying to create something entirely new².
Consider the current state of online discourse. We're so busy analyzing, critiquing, and meta-analyzing that we've forgotten the joy of simply making things. We've become a generation of commentators rather than creators, stuck in an infinite loop of consumption and critique.
The solution isn't to disconnect entirely; that's neither practical nor necessary. Instead, we need to recognize when consumption becomes avoidance, research becomes resistance, and scrolling becomes hiding.
So here I am, finally doing the thing I've been avoiding. Is it perfect? No. Is it entirely original? Probably not. But it's authentic, it's mine, and most importantly, it's done.
Consider this my public execution of not just perfectionism but of the belief that everything worth saying has already been said. My fear of being seen and my addiction to endless consumption are officially on the chopping block. Because at some point, you have to stop planning to write and just write. Stop waiting for the perfect moment and make this moment perfect enough. Stop protecting your darlings, whether they're precious words or precious excuses and start setting them free.
Even if it means starting with a post about why you couldn't start at all.
The internet will still be there tomorrow, with all its hot takes and thread-form think pieces. But maybe, just maybe, it's time we spent less time consuming other people's darlings and more time creating and, yes, sometimes killing our own.
Sources:
"Screen Time Statistics 2024: Your Phone and Computer Use" - Exploding Topics
"Perfectionism and creativity: The mediating role of self-doubt and procrastination" - Journal of Research in Personality
"Social Media Use in 2023" - Pew Research Center
"The Role of Perfectionism in Creative Self-Efficacy and Creative Performance" - Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts
"The Price of Perfectionism" - Harvard Business Review
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